Feedback

Feedback

Ah a word to strike fear into any self-respecting employee. Who doesn’t feel anxious when they are about to get some feedback. Who doesn’t feel nervous and/or defensive. It’s natural isn’t it?

Often the feedback we receive is part of an ill organised, poorly trained  process called “Performance Management”. Sometimes we are lucky enough to work with peers or Managers who are skilled at giving feedback and genuinely care about you and are invested in helping you improve. Such a gift.

No matter how skilled or how good the intent of someone giving you feedback, the effect relies a lot on our ability to receive it. Common reactions are:

·         To be defensive and argue

·         To say nothing and skulk away to lick our wounds

·         To cry

·         To be angry

·         To ignore it

·         To bitch about it with our friends

BUT, what if it could help you develop? What if it doesn’t?

My top 5 tips for dealing with feedback

1.   LISTEN. That means shutting your mouth and stop your brain from thinking about how to defend what someone is telling you. Just listen. Take it in. Write it down. Don’t talk.

I had a great Manager in my first HR job. He cared about me getting better and he gave me lots of great feedback. I repaid his kindness by arguing, defending myself and generally being a pain. He used to hold his hand up as if staying stop. Well he was saying stop. Stop talking and start listening!

 

2.   ASK QUESTIONS. Not defensive angry questions like “how you can say that?!” but curious and enquiring questions like “could you tell me more about that? Do you have an example to illustrate what you are talking about?”

3.   PROCESS. Think about what the feedback means to you. Is it helpful? Is the person genuinely trying to help? I once had a peer who told me I spoke too much during the team meeting. I really reflected on that feedback. No one had ever said that to me before and I really didn’t think I talked too much in our meetings. On reflection  I think the problem was that this person needed to speak more in the meetings but blaming me was an easier option than owning their behavior. I thought about that feedback for more than a week and then decided it wasn’t about me and discarded it.

Other feedback I received I really took to heart and thought carefully about how I could integrate it into my style.

4.   SAY THANK YOU It’s pretty hard to give another person feedback. Sometimes that person has agonised about how to deliver the message so as not to upset you (or themselves). They have demonstrated courage and that they care for you, your wellbeing and your career. Thank them.

5.   OWN IT. It’s relatively easy to give positive feedback but people don’t generally like to give feedback that might be perceived as negative or could cause conflict. If someone has taking the time, you should try and own it. You could ask others for their opinion. The more you own your own behavior the better chance you have to do something about it

 

Would love to hear your feedback stories!

2014 Goals update

Every January there is a flurry of information and fluff about new year's resolutions and goals for the year. 2014 was no exception and I found my social media channels filled with information on this topic. I wrote a post about my goals for this blog in January.

Much of the problem with setting goals and new year's resolutions is the probability of actually achieving them! Keeping motivated is about checking in with where you are at with your goals. What progress have you made? Great video here about motivation!

Is too much travel getting in the way of me achieving my goals?

We are nearly 3 month's into the year and what have I achieved? My goals for this blog are as follows:

1. Once a month feature a video interview someone interesting about how they are got to where they are in their career..I'm going to learn how to shoot and edit videos.

Update: So far I have asked one person to let me interview them on video. Since that time I have been travelling so much that I haven't been able to organise this.

Status: Behind. WAY behind! 

2. Blog at least once a week. I lost my way in about September last year and never got my blogging grove back.

Update: So I should have written about 11 posts by now. I have written 6 including this one.

Status: Behind. WAY behind! 

3. Speak/present at 3 different events during the year, either on improving your career, being a full time working mum who travels a lot or something HR related. I'm open people and I work for free!

Update: Last week I spoke at a small Learning and Development Forum. I spoke on advancing your career and included topics on knowing your purpose, breadth and depth in your career and building credibility and influencing (potential future post). I think it went well.

Status: On track.

So having one goal on track and two behind is not a great start to the year. I didn't anticipate how busy work would be during the first quarter of the year and I may have been unrealistic with some of my goals, which is a common thing that happens when setting goals. What to do? Well, I'm going to get focused on writing a blog post each week and I'm going to set a date to do my first video interview.

How are your 2014 goals tracking? Would love to hear.

Lisa

Travel for work: the positive stuff

So a while back I wrote this post on travel. This is another post on travel for work but more from the perspective of how good it is for your career. Over the years I have interviewed many people for roles that require some form of travel or another. Many people don’t want these kind of roles. Some do, but many don’t. My hardest sell was for roles requiring lots of travel to India.

  

Last week I was in Houston (Texas), for work, and I was reflecting on how lucky I have been in a couple of my roles to travel internationally. My first real business trip in my career was to London, travelling business class. That was awesome. I love the perspective you gain from these kind of trips. Experiencing a different part of the business and a different culture. I think it makes you a better leader.

Without doubt some of my best work and career development opportunities have been because I got to travel. The things I most remember were the interactions with people and the things I got to experience. 

Some examples…..

Longest most amazing day ever

While in India where I was doing some HR Audit work (kill me) I got to travel to a little known and remote place called Mundra, located in the upper north-west corner of India.  The landscape resembled roadrunner country and to get there the plane landed at an airforce base. The company I was working for at the time had developed the operation there as well as the housing and amenities for the employees they had to attract to the area to work. The HR Manager’s role went well beyond what you would expect. She was responsible for ensuring employees had adequate housing, providing education for their children, and more.

The longest most amazing day ever started with completing the HR audit at the work location and then going on a tour of the employee housing and the school. Lunch was followed by a long drive, on a road shared with buses, trucks, motorbikes, cows and elephants. Yep. The purpose of the trip was to visit a palace which provided the set for many Bollywood movies and then we had a drink on the beach while camels meandered past. We were invited to meet the Maharaja of Kutch and share a meal. When I finally returned to my hotel room that evening I couldn’t believe the day I had just experienced. I felt that time had been stretched (as I often would feel in India) and I could not have fitted in anything more varied and different to what I did that day. It seems surreal when I now think of it.

What did I learn?

The day was about learning how time is viewed in India (everything will happen in it’s own time) and gave me great insight into companies who provided more than just a job for employees. The leaders of this business were not just managing a workforce, they were managing a community.

As a tourist I would never had such an amazing experience.

Working with team members on the other side of the world!

Probably one of the hardest things in global organisations is developing relationships when you don’t get to see people! Geographical separation coupled with cultural differences mean that misunderstandings can be blown out of proportion and the ability to get things done can be hampered. One company I worked for would have me travel to their overseas head office a couple of times a year for 2 weeks at a time and that made a massive difference to our team getting to know each other and being effective. It also gave me visibility to other leaders in the business.

Last week I was at a global meeting (which happened at about the same time last year) and our team were able to continue to build the relationships we had already established. I got to connect with some other corporate people who I had met previously and met some people who I have only had contact via email. I also went to my first Rodeo and saw REO Speedwagon perform. They still got it! I learnt a lot this week and am leaving with a very clear focus and a very tired head. All good.

What did I learn?

Despite advances in technology for communication and collaboration, I just don't think they can beat meeting in person on regular occasions. 

You can always communicate!

By far the biggest learning experience I have had working and travelling overseas was in China. One particular trip I was being picked up by my local contact who didn't speak English. He bought with him a young Chinese woman who speaks about 6 words of English. I speak 2 words in Mandarin and had Charlie with me who was 4months old and still being breastfed! I flew into Guangzhou not knowing what Hotel I was staying in but also knowing that I was having dinner with a group of Chinese people who also didn't speak English. Who would do this?

It helps that the Chinese love babies and children!

It turned out to be a great dinner and trip. We all seemed to be able to communicate over a meal and Chinese wine and these people left the young Chinese women to stay with me in the hotel so I would be safe. I'm really not sure how much use she would have been (seeing as she was half my size and we couldn't really communicate) but it was a kind gesture.

The next morning my interpreter joined me, which meant the standard of communication improved, particularly on a business level. In the end it was a successful trip.

What did I learn?

Speaking the language is really just one way to communicate. There are many other ways and strangely on this trip I think relationships were built during the times we couldn't use language to communicate. These were often over meals, which seems to be a universal way to build and strengthen relationships, no matter what country you are in.

So what's the point?

Travelling for work can be hard. It messes with any sort of routine, it's very tiring and can be difficult if you have children that need care. If you can work with all these challenges then the difference it can make to your career can be massive. Don't rule it out!

Part-time work

I’m about to be controversial. Probably*

Recently one of my friends on Facebook  shared this story on part time work. It made me mad.

 Part time work has been around for a while now. It’s usually the reserved for the new mum, trying to cope with small children, running a household and also trying to earn some money to provide for their family.

I have worked part time and it’s hard. There’s a  premise is that you have more time to spend with your family. Quality family time. It’s a crock really. Well maybe not. If you can work in a role where there is a definite start and end, it’s probably ok. Shift work might work. A role where you don’t have to take work home or you don’t need to travel. I’m sure there are some jobs where part time works. I haven’t really had one of these.

This article makes the point that you end up squishing full time hours into the part time hours the organizational has agreed you can work. I think that for the most part this is true in my experience.

When I had Aiden, and he was 4 months old I returned to work 3 days a week, and then 4 days and said I would take phone calls on the other days to support the organization. I also took calls while I was on maternity leave and did some work that I could do from home, which was my choice but I must admit I was worried that I may not have a job to return to. I took phone calls from employees about their redundancy package while I changed Aiden’s nappy as he screamed. I don’t know how the employee didn’t notice the crying on the end of the line. Maybe he was too worried that he was losing his job? Maybe he didn’t care? I also took calls standing outside one of my new mummy friends’ houses to talk to a manager at length about terminating someone’s employment, when I desperately wanted to be inside learning about how other mummies were coping with breast feeding and very little sleep.

I stayed up late and got up early to “express” on a trip to Perth so I could continue to breastfeed my son when I returned to Sydney. I was exhausted. I also attached myself to the pump while sitting in a storeroom at work with no lock, so I could provide some breast milk at least part of the time he was at daycare.

When I did return to work and I was so tired that each day I wanted to crawl under my desk and sleep and was so upset that the business head didn’t even remember I was coming back that first day.  I wanted to crawl under my desk and cry. I guess they didn’t realize the stress it put on my family to turn up that Monday morning. It’s a big deal returning to work. There is no formula to work it out and there are very few women to show you the way. When you manage to get your shit act together it’s an amazing feat.

We are so far away from supporting women to return to work after having children that it’s really not funny. We now have paid maternity leave, which is great but what we really need to better access to childcare and better strategies to support women. We need to change the conversation. Instead of people saying:

·         “Do you think you spend enough time with your boys?”

·         “Have you asked to work part-time yet? (when I was working full time with 2 boys under school age)”

·         “Oh those boys must miss you when you are away” (reference to me travelling to do my job. No one asks a man that)”

·         “I’m so glad my wife didn’t have to work” and “I couldn’t have stayed home when the kids were sick” , comments from men .

 I have all these comments said to me. They are mostly well meaning and definitely not helpful.

But my biggest gripe is with this article where it says that when you work part time you should not take on anything extra, and push back…..WHAT?!  Seriously? Look if you work and career is not that important and it’s just a means to an end, fine.  But if at some point you want to progress why would you sit back? Why would you not contribute more. THIS. IS. DUMB. ADVICE. You need to lean in. I see the difference between how women are perceived when they hold fast to their part time hours and those who go beyond. Let’s face it, many of us working in full time roles go beyond these hours, particularly as roles become more senior. Across the board, employees who are more engaged and who contribute more will always have more opportunities.

While I’m on the soap box I also want to talk about managing your part time work. The reality is the organisation is unlikely (unless they have an evolved HR and management team) to be forthcoming in working out a part time role for you. YOU NEED TO DO THIS. You shouldn’t have to. I know, but this is reality. Also, I have seen some women return to work 2 days a week. I’m sorry. This is stupid.  What value does it bring to you? (not much money) What does it bring to the organisation? (not much value).  Childcare is expensive and oversubscribed but try and work it out if you can.

If you are returning to work:

1.       Have a plan. Ask other women how they did it. Get on with it. It will be hard. You will be tired. It will get better. Promise.

2.       Your partner must help and you must ask them to help, even if you are working part time. You must let them do things the way they do them, not the way you do them. Let it go.

3.       Do not stop contributing. There are times when it will be tough. There will be times when you have to juggle. Men don’t have to do this and it’s not fair. Get on with it.

4.       In my view, if you can make it work, get back to full time work as soon as you can. I think it’s a poor bet to leave work and let someone else support you indefinitely. Keep your finger in something that is valuable. It might be part time work, it might be community work.  What happens if your relationship breaks up? What happens if your partner passes away? What will you do? You have kids to support and you need something for yourself.

*This is my opinion and my opinion only. I truly support the choices any woman makes in relation to their children, their family, their work and their career.