A fiery nature when called for

Back in high school my grade 8 art teacher wrote on my end of year report card that I had "a fiery nature when called for". I had spoken up when she punished the whole class for the behaviour of a couple of boys. I wasn't having it.

What's this got to do with a beautiful photo of an elephant in Thailand? Read on.

It's risky to speak up. To create a fuss. To move towards the tension, rather than away from it. Few people want to do this. One leader I worked with loved to be challenged and to argue. To get to the heart of the issue, to challenge assumptions and to hear someone else point of view. To have conversations not to win and not to be certain but to be curious and to understand. I learnt a lot from working with him.

Another leader I work with now also says what needs to be said but in a more gentle reflective way. There is so much power in this approach. It's less fiery but just as effective as it comes from a courageous place.

A few years ago I attended a workshop about having tough conversations focusing on how to get to the purpose of what's going on for both people. As is normal when learning new skills when you first try them out it's a bit clunky. I decided to try out my new skills on a colleague who I wasn't very happy with. I wanted to let her know that I felt unsupported and out on a limb with what she has asked me to do. I rang her up and started the conversation. It didn't go well. She basically ended up hanging up on me. Live and learn. I know I could have that conversation much better now and get a better outcome, but you also need to have people who are willing to have the conversation and not everyone is interested.

I was reminded this week that not everyone is interested when my "fiery nature" appeared during a conversation. I was feeling very frustrated with a group of people who should be the conscience of the organisation. I wonder whether we all felt helpless to influence the situation effectively and so there is no point in speaking up? And maybe there are times when I expect too much and maybe this was one of those times. Or maybe not. I don't know. I have learnt to have more restraint with conversations over time but I would rather be with others who are willing to be brave and open and talk about the issues rather than leaving the elephant sitting alone in the middle of the room.

And what happens when you challenge and question and point out the elephant and no one cares? Or worse you are told to be quiet and that no one wants to talk about it? Well we all have options and choices. We can choose to live with the situation or we can choose to fight or we can choose to go somewhere else.

What would you do? When have you been in a similar situation?

Doing something for the first time.....

The Great Wall of China - image credit http://www.conquerthewallmarathon.com

I've been thinking about this for the last few days. When was the last time I did something that I've never done before? When have I done something I wasn't sure I could do?

It takes energy and effort and a little bit of inspiration. I guess moving countries was doing something for the first time and I've done quite a few things at work that I've never done before, though these things don't feel like I'm out of my comfort zone too much.

Last night Arran and I went out with two Aussie couples to a restaurant we hadn't tried before. One of the couples were the first to invite us to their place when we first arrived in Singapore and I probably haven't told them how much that meant to me. To meet some fellow Aussies who have paved the way here and to share their experiences was great.

Last night was a great night, as evidenced by Arran and I feeling like lying in front of the telly all day today. One of the highlights was learning about the Conquer The Wall Challenge that Belinda and Erika are planning to do with a group of women from Singapore. I want in. Thinking about doing the 10K race which I could/run walk and will give me a focus to get training and get fit.

When was the last time you did something for the first time?

Today

Your turn challenge Day 4 and still going strong.....

Today's post is about today. One of my favourite bloggers Mrs Woog (she is bloody funny) posted tonight on Facebook the best part of her day, the worst part of her day, and what she was looking forward to.

It reminded me of a particular job I worked in where I felt overwhelmed and stressed quite a lot of the time. I had little support and had to work out most things for myself. It was also hard to feel like I achieved anything in that role and that is pretty disheartening. Little did I know that this was going to be most jobs I worked in - the little support part and working stuff out for myself bit. Luckily I have worked out how to get on with it!

Anyway, a coach that I met on a women's leadership program suggested that on my walk home from work, I think about 3 things I achieved during the day and that I was proud of, and one thing that I could have done better.  Doing that simple activity helped immensely.

Mrs Woogs is similar but better because it has the looking forward to bit. So here is my today:

Best - having some great conversations with leaders, colleagues and our Finance team, and Aiden and Charlie being really excited to see me when I got home.

Worst - Feeling like I didn't achieve a lot. I didn't cross many things off my list, and there are lots of things on the list! Sigh.

Looking forward to - getting out and travelling to a couple of our businesses in the region and also getting to travel to our head office for a Global HR Meeting. I work with some really great HR people.

I really like these simple things as they help us acknowledge the day and let it go. We can't change it after all.

Would love to hear about your day. What was the best? The worst? And what are you looking forward to?

Say Yes

This week I was asked if I would like to be involved in helping to administrate a really cool project with a person who does really cool stuff. Of course I said yes. Because it was really cool and I wanted to be part of the project and the community it was creating.

I was not feeling that cool last night at 11pm when I was trying to communicate with someone on the other side of the world when I really just wanted to be in bed after a long day. And I didn't feel that cool this morning when again I was attempting to communicate with someone on the other side of the world and the sun wasn't even up, while at the same time trying to deal with an employee issue in another country in the region. I am not a morning person and starting the day feeling completely stressed out is not ideal.

Why. Did. I. Say. Yes.

Well...I kinda have this thing going that you shouldn't say no to opportunities. By opportunities I don't mean that person at work who tries to get you to do something because they don't want to (you should pretty much always say no to those). I mean the things that give you a new experience and put you out of your comfort zone. The things that might scare you a bit but also create excitement. On the smaller scale of things I agreed to shoot photos at some events to improve my photography skills. It was scary because I am not a professional photographer and the events were important to my colleagues, and I wanted to do a good job. I was pleased I said yes because I learnt a lot and the experience led to other things.

On the bigger side of things I said yes to moving to Singapore. At times the experience has been frustrating but I have learnt HEAPS and am a better person, Mum and HR Director because of it.

Another time I said yes was in my first HR job. I reported to the HR Manager for most of my work, but for "celebrating success" initiatives I reported to the CEO. The CEO recognised my creativity and wanted me to come up with unique ways to celebrate the success of our branches. One month there were 5 branches who exceeded their targets and I came up with the idea of sending singing telegrams with balloons to each branch. The CEO loved the idea and I set out to make it happen. It turns out it's easy to get singing telegrams in major cities in Australia. It also turns out if you are in a smaller city such as Adelaide or Newcastle, the only people you can hire are strippers. Not really appropriate. It was hard to go back to the CEO and tell him I couldn't deliver on that one. I scaled back the celebrations to a more practical level after that.

So while I felt bleary eyed this morning I would not have said no. Who else says yes? What have you said yes to?

Your turn challenge: Day 2 Taking risks in your career

Helping people manage their careers is important to me. It's why I blog about it and it's why I love working with leaders.

Some recent events got me thinking about risk and managing your career. I have advertised some roles in our business in part of the world where there is lots of potential for growth, both for the business and for our employees who are willing to do something a bit different. It's also exciting because as a business we are just starting to move people around the world, which is something I have benefited from. That's so cool.

I have fielded lots of questions from employees interested in the roles and one particular group all wanted to know what would happen after the assignments? They wanted a guarantee they could return to their old jobs or something similar. For those going on shorter assignments like 6 months we could reasonably accommodate this. For those on assignments of 2 years or longer it doesn't seem that easy. We can promise to do our best for our employees but things can change a lot during that time.

For most of us our appetite for risk is not that great. We all seem to want the upside of opportunities. We want high yield investments but when the market turns we (of course) are not happy if we lose money. We want high rewards but find it hard to except the downside. I drove a Mini Cooper S for a while and loved it. I loved the styling and the zippiness, the bright yellow paint job and the long intervals between servicing. I didn't like that when it was time to service my baby, I had to fork out an exorbitant amount of money. I guess that's human nature to only want the upside.

Wasn't she pretty?

It seems to work the same for our career. There are significant upside in the opportunities I have advertised including; contributing to a fast growing business, experience working in another country, personal and career growth and of course financial incentives. And the down side? Maybe the assignment won't work out? Maybe you won't like living in another country? Maybe you don't perform well enough? And maybe you won't have a safe secure job to come back to?

Unfortunately there are no guarantees in your career as in life. Jobs for life don't exist any more and markets will continue to be unstable. I wrote a bit about this here.

My advice is if the opportunity fits with your career goals and life then go for it, but have a plan for the downside. Think about what could be the worst that could happen and have a plan for that.

Your turn challenge Day 1: Coming First

One of the great things about moving to Singapore is being able to afford to have a live-in helper/maid. It has made a massive difference to our organisation at home and our stress levels. In Sydney, for the most part we ran a tight ship of organisation which barely concealed the chaos willing to engulf us at any moment.

The six months before we left Sydney was the craziest of all. I would get the boys up, dressed and fed and off to daycare and before school care, while Arran trained on his bike and started work early. I would arrive at work somewhere between 8.30 and 9am depending on the general carry on of two small boys, and the traffic. I would work later, say to 6 or 6.30pm while Arran picked up both boys and fed them, bathed them and then sometimes I would be home to put them to bed. Often by 7.30pm we were too exhausted to cook so would grab takeway and then I might go for a walk. Repeat.

This routine worked moderately well until someone got sick and couldn't go to school or daycare and then Arran and I would negotiate about who had the busiest day and who would stay home. We were lucky that we had a cleaner once a week who would keep the house mostly under control from mess.

When I needed to travel within Australia or overseas Arran would have to do all this by himself (which I think he secretly enjoyed because he could make all the decisions himself!)  Craziness.

Aiden and Charlie hitting the streets of Singapore

Anyway the point of the story is not the crazy life we left in Australia but the person who chose to live with us in Singapore, and who loves our boys and keeps our lives in order. Marife works 6 days a week and on her only day off has been doing an aromatherapy and massage course with other helpers in Singapore. She has been doing the course to help her disabled husband back in the Philippines and I suspect to better herself and have more employment opportunities.

Last Sunday was the graduation day for her course and she left on Sunday morning dressed up and excited. This morning I asked her how her graduation went and all I got was a shrug. Not exactly what I was expecting after the anticipation and excitement of the graduation. But as it was a usual chaotic Monday morning I had to head out to work and Marife was getting the boys ready for school. This evening at dinner I asked again. She told me she was disappointed. Why? She had not topped the class as she had expected and had decided that perhaps the work wasn't for her. She had come second and was upset. And there's nothing worse than someone telling you that second is a great achievement. Not helpful when your heart was set on first.

As I headed out for my evening walk I wondered what words I could say to help. What could a seemingly well off white woman have to impart to a hardworking filipino women providing for her family in another country, and only getting to see them once every 12 - 24 months?

After about 2km of walking I realised that it's not always the people who come first at school and in exams that are necessarily the most successful at their chosen field. Being good at a test is just one element of being successful overall. When I finished grade 12 there was this amazing girl in my grade who became dux of the school. I think she was first in 5 out of the 6 subjects she studied. I remembered everyone being so amazed and proud of her, me included but the next year she dropped out of uni. She couldn't cope or it wasn't for her. I don't know. Being the dux of the school didn't predict her ongoing success, even if it was just in the short term. I don't know what happened to her but I hope she has worked out her place in life.

I think this is the kind of things I can talk to Marife about. Just because you came second doesn't mean you aren't successful or are going to be. I did OK at school but it wasn't my school marks that got me to where I am, and opened up opportunities. It was working my ass off. It was being tenacious when I didn't really feel like it. It was being open to learning and learning from others. It was feeling scared to do things and doing them anyway. It was being upset and being knocked down and having to go back and work. That's the stuff that makes the difference, don't you think?

Your turn challenge

You may have noticed I haven't blogged for a while. My last post was on courage at the end of November 2014.

I'm in a rut. I've lost my mo-jo. Sigh. I have all the excuses under the sun. I hadn't had a holiday in ages. I moved country. Work has been really crazy. I'm tired. I'm not feeling creative. Excuse after excuse. I'm been trying to figure out what the issue is (apart from all the excuses) and have come up with nothing. Nothing. And still I haven't blogged.

One of the things I have discovered is that when you do something as a community and contribute to a community it makes a difference to you getting started and keeping going. The photo-a-day challenge by Fat Mum Slim is a great example. So is weight loss and getting fit with Michelle Bridges.

I subscribe to Seth Godin's blog and get his wise words delivered to my inbox every day. Friday's post on getting unstuck really struck a cord. Winne Kao Seth's Special Project Lead had failed to post a blog post everyday and has created the your turn challenge. The idea is to join a community committed to posting every day for 7 days. It starts tomorrow.

I'm in! I love blogging and need to get back into it and I'm counting on my community (that's you my reader) to keep me honest. Arran is also doing the challenge with me. As an incentive to my readers, the first 3 people to commit to, and complete the challenge with Arran I, I will send you a copy of Seth's latest book What to do When it's Your Turn (and it's always your turn). I ordered two books and was gifted three. I would love to share Seth's messages.

I know what you are thinking....you are not a blogger, you don't have a blog, you don't have time......come on! It doesn't matter. Maybe this is your time to start? Give it a go! what do you have to lose?  You can write about whatever you want and if you don't know what to write about there are prompts to help you each day. Check out the instructions here. It starts tomorrow. Are you with me?