Sunday 20 January 2013

Career musings. Who wears the pants?


I have noticed something in my current job. The shock on my male colleagues face when I say I have a nearly 4yr old and a 14 month old. This is often followed by questions and statements:

How do you do it?
How do you cope with everything?
How do you travel? 
How does your husband cope?
Wow! or Whoa!!

It's generally a disbelief and shock and and sometimes a little judgement. Judgement that I could possibly leave the house with such a small child there. I guess. I'm finding the double standard quite surprising but I'm not always offended. It comes from a curious place. Usually. And when it comes from a curious place I am always happy to explain how my husband Arran and I work it. I myself am curious about the double standard I perceive to be there.

It seems to be ok that men work when they have a little baby, but not women. Has anyone else experienced this? That women somehow have that magic ingredient that only they have, which means they are the ones who need to be the primary caregiver. Of course if the baby is being breastfed then it's a little tricky but on all other matters it's not. I think a lot of women promote this too. I have seen men in the relationship with a small child treated as though they are stupid or unworthy to look after their own child because they do things differently with the kids. 

From the very start when Aiden was a new-born, Arran used to defer to me on lots of issues, because he perceived that I somehow knew how to do something for him, because I was the one who gave birth. Complete crap. I didn't automatically get an instruction manual as my milk came in. Nor was I an expert just because I carried him for 9 months. In the end I said to Arran that I only knew about as much as him and that he could make decisions too. Arran took it all on board and probably became a bit of a baby hog. He had as much or as little confidence as me. That's ok. Made both our lives easier.

I don't believe men get the same questions in the workplace. They don't ask each other these questions, and if they do it's about sharing and comparing and showing how proud they are of their beautiful children. There is no judgement. I don't think men consider judging other men about their children because there is an assumption, in my view, that there is a woman somewhere who is carrying the child care and domestic burden. 

The questions I get the most is "how do you work and travel with small children?" I don't think a man in the same circumstance would get this question. I'm not sure Arran ever gets this question when he is away for the weekend, riding his bike in the middle of nowhere. Will any of his mate's acknowledge or even wonder who is looking after his two boys when he does Tour Divide in June this year? Men seem to acknowledge that it's hard at home with small kids and they will have to "pay" when they get home from a work trip. There seems to be a belief that the man will be in a "points" deficit when he gets back but there is no issue with him working long hours or having to travel away from home. It's ok because there is a woman around and she is expected to look after the kids and tend to the home, whether she works outside the home or not.

I get questions like "how does your husband cope?" Firstly, no one asks me that question when Arran goes away! I am just expected to cope. Secondly, I think it's also offensive to Arran and to men, who are completely capable of looking after kids if only women would just let them. 

When I have to travel for work of course I miss Aiden and Charlie, and they miss me. There are lots of "mum, mum, mums..." from Charlie when I'm not there and lots of "Where's Mummy" from Aiden. I try to do a few things to make the days I'm away a little easier for Arran, who has to take the burden of getting them to and from childcare, caring for them if they are sick and feeding them, dressing them, bathing them and generally making sure they are ok. 

But I enjoy the time away too. How shocking! What kind of mother am I? I enjoy hopping on a plane in my freshly dry-cleaned work clothes free of drool and jam. I like having a little time to myself to read a magazine. I enjoy having a hotel bed all to myself without the chance of being woken by a screaming child and having to fling myself out of bed in the small hours of the morning, to replace a dummy before the crying escalates so much that it will take 30 minutes to settle him down. I like just having to do my own hair and get myself dressed. I like eating breakfast alone in the hotel restaurant or a nearby cafe. I like not having to get up and down a hundred times to tend to some small child's need during said breakfast and then rush them to daycare. I'm sure my male colleagues who travel also enjoy such things. And I like coming home again. Actually the time I came home to a vomiting bug wasn't great....anyway you get the point.

I love my work and the company I work for. I also enjoy working with men. I have always worked in more industrial businesses which have tended to be more male dominated. I often find myself as the only woman in the meeting. I like these businesses because they are practical and down to earth, and I feel like what I do can make a difference. That's all very well but driving innovation and creativity in businesses requires diversity of thought and that I believe requires diversity in the employee group. Different ages, different experiences, different cultural and religious backgrounds, different ways of working, and men and women in different roles across the organisation. 




Inspire me

I wanted this post to be an observation of what I experience at work, as a woman and as a woman with children. I wanted it to be thought provoking and a conversation starter. I asked Arran to read the post before I put it live on the blog, mainly because I didn't want the post to be too critical. I love my job and our workplaces are what they are, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't be challenged and continue to evolve to be places where every person can contribute and be valued, not matter their personal circumstances.

After reading this post Arran and I had a really good conversation about his experience at work and how his responsibilities looking after our beautiful boys are perceived. It's not just women who are struggling. Men who want to contribute equally to looking after their children find it hard in the workplace as well. He suggested I write a follow up post about this but I had a better idea. Arran is an accomplished writer. He writes his own blog called Musings of a Wannabe Racer and has written articles on mountain bike riding for many print and online magazines.

Arran is going to be a guest writer on this blog next week, giving his view of how people in his organisation view his want and need to care for our children equally. Stay posted!

Develop me

Great TED talk from Hanna Rosin on the crisis for men and the rise of women.



Just for me

If you happen to me a mum, like me, you might like this blog called Fox in Flats. It's a fun and inspiring blog to help you to be stylish. Not everything needs to be serious! Enjoy!

 

Sunday 6 January 2013

Returning to work after a holiday....


Tugan Beach, Boxing Day 2012
It's so weird but as the holiday day's count down and my thoughts start to return to work and what needs to be achieved, I feel a little like going back to school! I'm getting all prepared. 

When going back to school I can remember getting a new uniform, new pencils and pens and a new pencil case. New books were covered and sometimes I got a new school bag. Going back to work after the Christmas/New Year holidays feels a little like that. I don't have any new pens and pencils but I have been getting ready:

  • Had my lovely work clothes dry cleaned, and repaired where needed. They are hanging in my cupboard ready to go. I got some new clothes for my new job last year. I hired a stylist for the first time. A good career move. You can read about the process here and here 
  • Had a manicure and pedicure yesterday, as well as an eyebrow wax. It's nice to be a little polished for work, don't you think?
  • Got some new underwear for the New Year!
  • Had the small boy's hair cut (my son's Aiden and Charlie) so they look good when they return to Childcare (and because it's hard to get their haircut at a discount rate on the weekends!)
  • Been working like a mad woman to try and get the house in order for the new year. Beds have been put back in the rooms they normally live in, after the craziness of the end of 2012 and a mass of people coming to stay.
  •  Clothes and toys have been sorted through and either kept, chucked out or given to Vinnies.
  •  We put lot's of rubbish out for council clean up! 
  • Christmas gifts have been put away
  •  All the washing has been done, and will be put away, any moment now! 
  • The grass has been mowed (all 5 square metres) and the weeds have been pulled
Next I need to get out my work laptop and catch up on my email!


Inspire me

I think clothes are pretty important. If you look good in the workplace you will feel confident too. One of my favourite bloggers Nikki Parkinson of "Styling You" is currently doing a great feature called "Unlock your style in 14 days". It's a wardrobe makeover! It started on January 1, so there is lots already to catch up on. I am finding it a great help! She also has this great manifesto:
http://www.stylingyou.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/SY-Style-Manifesto-500wide.jpg 

 Develop me 

 Great little article about a guy who did a different job a week for for 52 weeks last year. Pretty cool. Helped him give direction to what he wanted to do in life


Just for me


What have you done that's creative or cool, or interesting during the holidays? I would love to hear about it! I have just started The 7 Vignettes in 7 days Challenge.

Friday 4 January 2013

Career reflection. Go with your gut!

Late afternoon, Bondi Beach


The start of a new year is often cause for reflection, about life, our career and our current job. A holiday, some time to think: Am I doing what I want to do? Am I happy working where I am? What would I like to do differently? Do I want a complete change?

This is all pretty normal. In fact the early parts of the year is the time that businesses have the most employee turnover and also advertise the most jobs. It makes sense.

But should you change jobs? Is it time to move on and do something different? I have been reflecting about a couple of times in my career when I changed jobs or thought about changing jobs, and how important "gut feel" is when considering a new opportunity. What's this gut feel thing? To me it's that feeling in the pit of your stomach that says "this feels right" or "this doesn't feel right". It's often something you can't quantify or describe. The times when I have noticed this feeling and acted upon it, things have gone well. The times when I noticed the feeling but ignored it or rationalised it away.....disaster!

Example 1
A while ago, when I was working in retail (and I didn't want to work in retail) I auditioned for a production of Chicago, the musical. The group putting on the production had secured some state government funding to tour the production around regional Queensland. I got in and had a small part! So cool. My career in amateur theatre was not over!

Rehearsals started. It was fun, but didn't quite feel right. Things were a little disorganised but I don't think that was it. Hmmm....As the rehearsals continued the less I wanted to be involved. Why? I couldn't put my finger on it. Was I scared to resign my full time job when we went on tour? I don't think that was it. Was I scared to travel around Queensland for a number of months? Nope. 

A few more rehearsals and I left the show. My gut was screaming "don't do it!" Even though I couldn't work out the reasons why. Turned out to be a good decision. The show opened in Ipswich to terrible reviews and then continued up the coast of Queensland. About half way through the planned tour half the cast took control of the mini bus and drove back to Brisbane. The show hadn't improved, one of the producers was a kleptomaniac and was having an affair with the Director, which went sour. It all got very messy. 

It wasn't as fun as performing in a musical, but by staying on in my retail job I gained valuable communication, business and conflict management experience, and made the decision to study Human Resource Management.

Example 2
I had made the decision to leave my current job in HR. I had been with the company for 3 years and was ready for the next step in my career. I applied for a great role with a publicly listed company. I attended two interviews, one with the General Manager of HR and the other with the CEO. I also completed psychometric testing. I was offered the job! Pretty exciting. It's great to be wanted, isn't it?

I resigned my current role but felt sick about it. I couldn't put my finger on it. Rationally it was a good decision. It was a great step in my career, I was joining a newly formed HR team of specialists so I would learn heaps, it paid more money....I felt sick to the core and I ignored the feeling.

Day 1 of any new job can be scary. You don't know anyone or anything but this day 1 was different. It felt completely wrong and that feeling never left me. I tried and tried. I worked long hours. I was stressed and I put on weight. I can't say that awful gut feeling ever left me. I struggled on for 12 months because my pride wouldn't let me have a shorter period on my resume. Bad decision. I should have walked out on day 1 but we had a new mortgage so I limped on. 

On reflection I just didn't fit the culture and I didn't have my "antennae" up, during the recruitment process. Two great lessons learned for me. 
1. Culture fit is really important. Der. 
2. A recruitment process is a two way process. Obviously you want to impress the company you are interviewing with and they want to learn whether you can do the job and fit the company. But you need to learn enough to work out whether you actually want to work there!

Inspire me


Reflections on Woolgoolga Beach
Before you jump in and start applying for jobs, take some time to really work out what you want. Where do you want to take your career next? What do you want to learn? What do you love about your current job? Would you like to do more of that? What don't you enjoy? There are always parts of a job that everyone hates but sometimes you can minimise these parts.  Can you describe the company culture you want to be part of?


Develop me

If you need some extra help have a read of the post here on working out your career purpose and this post here for some extra details!


Just for me

Set some Career goals for 2013, write them down and get working!

Tell me about your career goals for 2013. Is there anything you would like me to write about?
 
Source: behance.net via Julien on Pinterest