Career limiting moves

I usually write about the positive stuff. The stuff to help you with your career. The stuff to make it better, more fruitful, more satisfying.

Today that is not the case. Today I received an email that one male employee had forwarded to many other employees and customers which contained photos of naked women in poses and situations which would be considered demeaning. I’m definitely not a prude and on one hand this stuff is mostly harmless. On the other hand I wonder how much we have really progressed in organisations to attain equality of pay and positions for women when there is still this undercurrent of women being presented and treated as sexual objects and as comedic relief for men. Is this how they imagine the women that work with?

 Of course using our electronic systems to distribute this kind of content is prohibited. As most companies do, we have all sorts of policies which address this kind of stuff – from acceptable use of our IT systems to harassment and discrimination policies, and I’m now in the situation of dealing with a number of employees who are probably considered valuable members of their team, who may or may not keep their job.

 Distributing this information is definitely an obvious career limiting move. If you don’t lose your job over it, at the very least you will not be seen positively. Promotions and other opportunities may not come your way and you will definitely not be viewed in the best light. But what other things can limit your career? Here are my top 5 behaviours that have the potential to limit your career:

 

 1.       Not playing nicely with others.

I once worked with a manager who had an employee in his team who didn’t want to work with others. The days are gone where roles exist for employees to sit in a corner and work alone processing paperwork or number crunching. Today’s organisations are lean with a heavy focus on being able to communicate and collaborate. This employee refused to attend meetings, refused to share information with other team members and was generally a very difficult person to deal with. He was asked to continue his career somewhere else.

2.       Being difficult
I reckon I can get on and work with most people. It doesn’t mean I always like everyone but man, there is a person I have worked with who was so difficult that nearly every time I needed to speak to this person there would be a disagreement about what I was trying to achieve. I often just needed a short answer or a document review and this person was supposed to be a business partner and resource. At the very least an equal in supporting what the business required.

They turned out to be the opposite and other leaders in the business admitted that they left things to the last minute before having to talk to this person, and only then it was out of desperation. It was never pleasant dealing with this person. Ugh!

Having people who will support you in your organisation is important if you want to progress. The more senior you become the more important it is to be seen as credible and have sound influencing skills. Crucial skills in developing your career.
 
3.       Being too sensitive
We all have tough times at work. We are human and it’s kinda hard to check your emotions at the door. I don’t expect anyone to do this and it’s ok to cry at work BUT the person who continually gets upset or worked up about EVERYTHING does not make for a pleasant workplace. The person you have to tippy-toe around or the person that if you even look sideways at and they become upset or offended is very very difficult. These people also make giving feedback hard.  If others are afraid to give you feedback because you will burst into tears or will make a bullying complaint, well you may not have a fruitful career. You will be avoided at all costs. Just saying.
 
Most large companies have employee assistance programs (EAP) who offer free counseling if you are struggling to cope with life or GP’s (in Australia at least) can provide referrals to psychologists and counselors which initially can be funded through Medicare . Get some help. Most people just need some help with some coping strategies to get them back on track.

 4.       Being obnoxious

I have worked with a couple of people like this. I’m sure you know some too. These are the people who say inappropriate and offensive things at inappropriate moments. Sometimes it comes out work events with the additional of alcohol and sometimes it’s at Wednesday at 10.30am in the meeting about improving a business processes.

Other people that fall under this category are those who are so egotistical that they expect everyone to work the hours they do, and at the standard they do. Other’s become scared of these people and avoid them at all costs – it’s hard to progress in your career if no one wants to be near you, let alone work with you.
 
5.       Being defensive
At the risk of sounding slightly unstable, a few years ago I made friends with the voice in my head which tells me to shut up when I feel the need to defend. The problem with being defensive is that it comes from an emotional place. If you end up in an emotional space it can be hard to communicate clearly and get the best outcome you want. I’m ok with emotion (in fact emotion drives passion and engagement) but the trick is to use it for effect. To have control and use it wisely. If you have a tendency to always defend, you are not listening, not taking in information and not being effective.

When I first started in my corporate career I was definitely defensive. My Manager used to hold up his hand to say “stop”. Stop talking and stop defending. Now my little voice does that and it’s so effective. I’m now able to truly understand why someone may have an issue with me and not be emotional in my reaction. It means that I am in a place where I can ask questions, gain more clarify and get a better outcome. It also puts me in a place that if I need to explain my position I have control over what and how I’m saying it. I get to say my piece with a better chance that someone else will listen. I’d like to say I’m good at it all the time, but of course I’m not. But I’m really conscious of it.

There are many career limiting moves I can think of – many very obvious, but it’s the more subtle ones like the 5 outlined above which are more insidious and hard to identify, but will make the biggest difference in reaching your career goals if you can tackle them.

Lisa xx

Dress for Success

You probably think I'm going to write about clothes and your career. Well, kind of. It's actually a topic I could bang on about in a number of posts....how taking pride in what you wear shows pride in your work....how you can dress well without spending a lot of money.....dressing to suit your shape and job....dressing to get the job you want....

BUT, I'm going to write about syncronicity and supporting a charity, how important connections are, and how taking an opportunity can lead to other opportunities. The main point is to tell you about Dress for Success. The best way you can learn about this great organisation, is to watch this video.

This week I attended one of their business dinners, as a guest of Xplore for Success and was reminded again what an amazing organisation they are. They help women who are struggling or disadvantaged to achieve financial independence by helping them to find jobs. Their main level is support is dressing them for job interviews, through donated clothing, but other support includes helping with resume writing and teaching interview skills.

I first became aware of Dress for Success through Amanda Webb, an amazing woman and a friend, who runs her own business, my favourite part being her OneDay NewWays conference. Amanda supports Dress for Success as one of her chosen charities. Through Amanda I got interested, I attended volunteer training - to help dress their clients, and then did nothing. I couldn't even get my shit organised to donate clothes. What's wrong with me? Seriously, I live a great life and couldn't even volunteer for a few hours every couple of weeks. Life, work and babies got in the way.

With my guilt rising I came to the realisation that it's not like I do nothing. For the past 12 years, ever since I travelled back and forth to work to India over a 12 month period for work, I have sponsored a child with World Vision and supported a community fund with them. I am lucky to be in a position with my work to coordinate and lead support of community organisations and charities including RU OK? and Tour De Cure. I also support friends in their various charity endeavors but somehow if never feels quite enough.

But man, this organisation is persistent! It keeps coming back into my life. Through events I attend, other women I meet and connections I have made. These all keep bringing me back and reminding me that this organisation is something I need to be involved with, or at least support in some way.
Dress for Success is a perfect match for what I think is important. I believe dressing well helps boost your confidence and creating a good first impression goes a long way to securing a job. I also believe that having a job is important as it supports self esteem and financial independence. I ranted wrote about it here.

I have realised that at this time in my life, volunteering my time is just not going to work. I travel a lot and time with my two small boys and husband is precious. This needs to be my focus now, so I will support in other ways. I will attend their events, donate clothes and do things like spread the word with blog posts like this one.


When I was being interviewed for my current role, I learnt that part of the role in the first 6 months or so would be to bring together our employees into one default superannuation fund. I'm kinda passionate about super. About employees taking an active role in part of their remuneration that doesn't get thought about much. About making decisions about how their money is invested and how they protect themselves and their family through insurance. About considering whether enough money is going into their super account.

I also love clothes and fashion.

So this is why I think Dress for Success is such a fantastic organisation to support. Helping women feel great about themselves by having a great interview outfit - leads to creating a good first impression and in many cases a job, which leads to financial independence. I have to stop ignoring the "universe" which keeps telling me to find a way to support this charity.

This is my first step.

Curiosity killed the cat!

But it certainly doesn't kill your career.

For me curiosity is about wanting to know more. Wanting to learn. Wanting to develop. Being fascinated to get to understand something with more depth. To seek out and explore the new and exciting and learn something that is different from your own experience.

It's knowing that the more you know, the less you know. That as much as you learn there is always more you don't know.

I'm not talking about the curiosity of your standard 5 year old. I'm living with one at the moment and it's driving me nuts!

"Aiden please don't drive that train on the wall! Why Mummy?"

"Aiden put your shoes on please! Why Mummy?"

"Mummy? Why does the train go on the train tracks?" Arrrggghhh!!!!

Curiosity is not asking why. Well sometimes it is, but its more about wanting to understand more. Using "why" can create defensiveness. It puts the person in  a place to explain and defend. It can put people on the back foot.  Curiosity is genuine and interested.

Of course retaining some 5 year old curiosity is probably a good thing. It's certainly making me think about how I explain things!

The fantastic Colin Pidd, who I have had the pleasure of working with over a number of years and at a number of companies, uses the term "tell me more about that". It's great. It doesn't create defensiveness and tells people that you are genuinely interested in what they are saying. It's not demanding. It's gentle and aimed at understanding - getting to a common understanding and purpose. I try to remember to use as much as possible.

There are times when it's easier to notice a lack of curiosity. The Manager who rings me up to abuse me over a car for his team member - when he hadn't asked the right questions of his employee. The Senior leader who travelled a couple of times to a country to  review business results and on asking, said he hadn't learnt anything new after his first trip. The developing leader who doesn't have conversations widely to gain input and understand different opinions before making decisions.

We have all made these mistakes. Sometimes we felt like complete fools when we haven't asked enough questions or even asked the obvious! Being curious requires an open mindset. It requires you to be OK with who you are and what you do and requires a bit of bravery. It can be tough.

Being curious is also a good trait when receiving feedback

When things are not going well for me and I'm feeling stressed and frustrated, I lose my curiosity. I don't know where it goes but it gets replaced with certainty. There is no flexibility with certainty. No empathy and no ability to learn. Certainty, while a place that can be comfortable and even give a permanent feeling is not a place of openness and creativity. Certainty is not where I want to be.

What about you? When were you last truly curious? When did you put yourself in a place of openess and learning? What could it do for your career?

"The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. Never lose a holy curiosity." Albert Einstein

Fun at work

What? Huh? Fun did you say? At work? Yeah baby!

You know work doesn't need to be all that serious. Sometimes I work on quite serious things but if I couldn't have a little fun sometimes, well what would be the point?

How does this fun come about? Well I work with some great people with very funny senses of humour. There seems to be something in the culture. I get to travel and interact with a wide range of people on a wide range of issues and I have a husband who likes to make fun of what he calls the "cast" at my work. Sometimes he says he is familiar with the "characters" when I'm trying to tell him about my day. Hardly helpful but it makes me laugh. He has only met a couple of my work colleagues.

There is also a very corporate type team at work who are generally very serious and risk adverse who love playing practical jokes on each other and other people in the organisation. I LOVE hearing about their antics. So unexpected and naughty in a relatively conservative organisation!

Have you ever done one of those value assessment type questionnaires? I have a few times and the value of fun comes out loud and clear for me. I don't expect every day to be a riot of fun or a circus but if I don't get a bit of fun every now and then well, I'd be looking for somewhere else to be.

For me fun is just not about having a laugh at the water cooler, it's also about getting to work on things you love doing and having autonomy. I love helping developing leaders and I get to do this. I love blogging and I get to do this. I have even been able to encourage them to blog as well. A couple of our leaders have no idea what the point of blogging is but it's been fun seeing their discomfort! Some have even been humorous in their writing and learnt to write in their own voice. Love that.

There is also fun challenge in working on news things, learning new knowledge and working through complex issues. Mostly I love my job and mostly it's fun

So, on another public holiday in Australia, tell me about what's fun for you at work? Anything?

Lisa xx

Employability

A few weeks ago I received an invitation to talk about "employability" to a group of final year university students. I was pretty chuffed and have crossed off another of my 2014 goals -"Speak/present at 3 different events during the year, either on improving your career, being a full time working mum who travels a lot or something HR related." I have now spoken at 2 events which is pretty cool!

Employability - the ability to get employed, is a pretty hot topic for students. It can be hard to secure that first role when you effectively have no experience and no idea how the degree, which you have worked hard for, will translate into the workplace. I had no idea what I wanted to do when I finished my first degree and certainly no idea how I was going to get a job to go with it.

The thing is, the stuff I spoke about to these students applies to anyone, in particular if you are trying to change the focus of your career. This is what I spoke about:

How important is your degree? 

Well it is and it isn't. It's SO important and also not so much. How does this work? A tertiary qualification is a great thing to have in that it shows you can stick at something, juggle priorities, think critically and argue your point, present, and hopefully write well. All good things. However a degree without any kind of work experience can be a bit empty.

I've done quite a long post on this topic, which you can read about here.

What is your purpose?

I have written a bit about this topic. Do you understand your why? and Working out your purpose: 3 ways

The thing is though, do students finishing their undergraduate degree know what they want to do with their career? The question was asked of the group I presented to and around a third did. Great. Awesome. Not sure I believe them but great, awesome. Of course there are some people who know at 16, 18 and 20 what their passion and purpose is, but really, I think that's pretty rare.

So for those who don't know your purpose, I think that's pretty normal. I think you need a bit of life experience to work this out. You need to have worked in a few crappy jobs (even to work out what you don't want to do) and learnt a bit more about yourself. If you have been in the workforce for a bit the only way to work out what you think you want to do is to try lots of things, think about what makes you happy and what doesn't, and get some feedback. Hop to it!

Developing your skills

If you don't know your purpose and someone has told you that your degree may not be that important (me) what do you do? Well get a job. Some sort of job. Particularly if you haven't worked during your degree. I reckon working is better than not working, even if you are doing something you don't love. The trick is to understand what you can learn from that job. When I finished my undergraduate degree I took at job in retail. I knew that I didn't want to work in retail long term but I was lucky enough to be offered a place in the company management development program. I thought that would be a good experience and it was. I also knew that retail would help me develop communication skills, conflict management skills and I would have an income while I worked out what I really wanted to do. 

When developing skills it's also important to think about breadth and depth in your career. Experiences in different size organisations and in roles that give you experiences across organisations and also deep in a particular area, are great for your career.

Social media: friend or foe?

I love social media, as many people do. Tools such as Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and more, help us to stay connected, inspire and keep us informed. However......when trying to get that coveted first job out of uni, or the next step in our career, social media may not be your friend.

When helping managers recruit people into their team, they are sometimes tempted to do some extra research. Privacy legislation says we can only collect information on candidates that is relevant to the role we are recruiting for. In this context, checking out someone's Linkedin profile is OK. Trawling through their Facebook page, is not.

My advice is make sure your Linkedin profile is complete, up-to-date and presents you in the most professional light. Use a high quality photo, preferably taken by an actual photographer (not your friend using an iPhone) and have it cropped so it looks good on Linkedin. A head and shoulders shot is your best bet. Photos taken "out on the town" while you were drinking cocktails (where you have cropped out most of the person with their arm around you ) is NOT appropriate for Linked in. Just saying. 

What else?.....lock down your other social media accounts if they contain photos and information that is not relevant to your job or career. What I mean is, find the privacy setting and make sure only people you let see your profile can see it. Maybe you don't have anything too exciting on your Facebook page: what you ate for lunch; how many km's you walked today...but think about it from an employers point of view (who shouldn't be looking at your page but they will). I don't do anything exciting on social media but I probably follow some people and businesses that my employers may not want to be associated with. Think about it. 

Lisa xx

We're all walking on quick sand

"We're so stupid if we think we can control,

 All the dark matter in this black hole. 

It's going to pull us under if we don't let go, 

We're all walking on quick sand".

This is a line from a Delta Goodroom song "God Laughs". It's a song she wrote about her parents marriage split but I think it applies to life in general, and certainly life in big organisations.

So what made me think of this song? It's fair to say there has been some change going on at work. Most of this change over the past 18 months I have been involved with, with our leadership team. Being in control of the change, while difficult, is often easier than being part of the group of employees who have had the change inflicted on them. I'm sure you agree.

The most recent changes has got many of the team I work in, unsettled and unsure. There is a feeling of things being temporary and ambiguous . What's going to happen next? If that can happen to that person, it could happen to me too! Some of the changes have shown the way in the organisation and highlighted opportunity. Other changes have been perceived very negatively. This is normal.

I have been surprised by my own reactions and those of the leadership team. I somehow expected that experienced and well seasoned leaders would be better equipped to deal with change. But people are people no matter the age or experience. We all feel unsettled by change, by things happening which we didn't expect and things we don't want to happen. We wish things to be different or to stay the same.

I have spoken before about how often I come across people that want certainty and stability in their lives, their work and careers. Many want to know that when they go to work each day, they know what their job is, they know where they get to sit and they don't need to learn anything new. I find this somewhat unrealistic and hard and.... well, a bit sad.

But what do you do when you are in the middle of unsettling and upsetting change? What do you do when everything seems temporary and nothing seems certain?

1. There is always something not changing (I hope). For example, if work is upsidedown, how is home? Is it stable at the moment? What about your family and friends? Are they still there? It's important to maintain connections that remain stable in times of change. Seek these people out. They should help you keep things in perspective.
2. Even at work, if things are seeming a little ambiguous, there will be other things that are not. You still need to deliver on your plans, deliver to your goals, sell what needs to be sold, deliver on the strategy, even if these things are short term. Identifying the things that remain the same and focusing on these are really important. Particularly if you are a leader.
3. EXERCISE! I bang on this a bit. I'm not a fitness freak I just think that exercise makes a massive difference to how we feel about our world. Wrote a post here about keeping your mind fit. If there is ever a time when you need to keep your mind fit it's during a time of change. When I found out about a recent change that effected me I walked every day for a week! 
4.  Reflect on where you want your career to be. Has the change derailed this? If it has are there other things you can learn that you didn't expect? Not long after I moved to Sydney I completed a leadership program. It came at just the right time with a coach as part of the program. This coach had some great little techniques for dealing with stuff. One that relates to change which I use on myself and talk to others about is - even if you are not where you want to be and may be struggling a bit, make a deal with yourself about how much time you will stay in the same situation. Work out the things you are going to learn and pick a date to review. When you get to that point in time, things will have either improved or you can decide to do something else. At least you gave it a chance.
5. Get networking. This is helpful in creating connections that may help with your career, and helpful to understand that most organisations are going through uncertainty and change. Many industry organisations hold professional networking events that help people connect. Is it time you built up your network?

 

Feedback

Feedback

Ah a word to strike fear into any self-respecting employee. Who doesn’t feel anxious when they are about to get some feedback. Who doesn’t feel nervous and/or defensive. It’s natural isn’t it?

Often the feedback we receive is part of an ill organised, poorly trained  process called “Performance Management”. Sometimes we are lucky enough to work with peers or Managers who are skilled at giving feedback and genuinely care about you and are invested in helping you improve. Such a gift.

No matter how skilled or how good the intent of someone giving you feedback, the effect relies a lot on our ability to receive it. Common reactions are:

·         To be defensive and argue

·         To say nothing and skulk away to lick our wounds

·         To cry

·         To be angry

·         To ignore it

·         To bitch about it with our friends

BUT, what if it could help you develop? What if it doesn’t?

My top 5 tips for dealing with feedback

1.   LISTEN. That means shutting your mouth and stop your brain from thinking about how to defend what someone is telling you. Just listen. Take it in. Write it down. Don’t talk.

I had a great Manager in my first HR job. He cared about me getting better and he gave me lots of great feedback. I repaid his kindness by arguing, defending myself and generally being a pain. He used to hold his hand up as if staying stop. Well he was saying stop. Stop talking and start listening!

 

2.   ASK QUESTIONS. Not defensive angry questions like “how you can say that?!” but curious and enquiring questions like “could you tell me more about that? Do you have an example to illustrate what you are talking about?”

3.   PROCESS. Think about what the feedback means to you. Is it helpful? Is the person genuinely trying to help? I once had a peer who told me I spoke too much during the team meeting. I really reflected on that feedback. No one had ever said that to me before and I really didn’t think I talked too much in our meetings. On reflection  I think the problem was that this person needed to speak more in the meetings but blaming me was an easier option than owning their behavior. I thought about that feedback for more than a week and then decided it wasn’t about me and discarded it.

Other feedback I received I really took to heart and thought carefully about how I could integrate it into my style.

4.   SAY THANK YOU It’s pretty hard to give another person feedback. Sometimes that person has agonised about how to deliver the message so as not to upset you (or themselves). They have demonstrated courage and that they care for you, your wellbeing and your career. Thank them.

5.   OWN IT. It’s relatively easy to give positive feedback but people don’t generally like to give feedback that might be perceived as negative or could cause conflict. If someone has taking the time, you should try and own it. You could ask others for their opinion. The more you own your own behavior the better chance you have to do something about it

 

Would love to hear your feedback stories!